A little bit ago, in my morning meditation, I found myself feeling all stressed and pulled in ten or twelve directions. I was worried about this and that and some variation on the the thought “I am too busy to just sit here” arose, but it wasn’t clear what else I could do. Since I was actually trying to do meditation, I thought to myself, “enough! Since I am here, I am going to wholeheartedly be here and just sit!” That seemed help me, it was a step I could take,
When I did that though, I could see that there was a deeper angst for me to sit with and look at. Until I actually turn around within, drop the externals and look at, and be still with – accept – that deeper angst, everything is unsettled and anxiety ridden. But when I do let myself see that deeper anxiety, or whatever it might be, I begin the process of allowing for a deeper peace to emerge and that in turn often allows me to see what my next step might be.
In the case of those ten or twelve pulls, this time they seemed, not necessarily to fall into order, but more, it seemed a little clearer what a next step might be. Although it is recommended and excellent to sit just for the sake of sitting, sitting is not somehow separate from our life: it can actually be of great practical benefit.